Thursday, June 15, 2006
Where's Darwin when you need him?
Did the cavemen wipe their rears?
No, no, I’m not just being gross… that’s a legitimate question and it’s has broad reaching ramifications for the theory evolution.
Oh, I suppose they could have used leaves… but having done my wilderness survival training I know that leaves don’t works so well. Wait a minute, though… they survived an ice age… so there probably weren’t too many broad-leafed plants during that period. Maybe they used snow? Brrrrr. Despite the cold, surely snow would be better than pinecones. Anyway about it, they could not have been very clean people.
Ok, my little boy is prone to getting horrible diaper rash if you don’t keep him sparkly clean and dry. The same thing would happen to an adult without at least some form of primitive hygiene. Rash leads to broken skin, broken skin leads to infection, infection leads to fever and then death. Long story short, diaper rash kills.
So what kept the cavemen from dying of diaper rash early in life? Perhaps some sort of immunity – a hyper immune system – fought off such infections. Alternatively, some form of helper bacteria might have been present which kept staph and other such nasties in check. Either one, improved immunity or symbiosis, would be a distinct advantage – an advantage which modern humans do not have.
Therefore, I think this raises a serious question that theories of evolution cannot answer. Why did the cavemen not die out from terrible infections resulting from their unhygienic ways? If they were immune, that would be an evolutionary advantage, but the advantage didn’t get passed down to us – therefore (simplifying somewhat) the strongest did not survive to pass on their genetic material. “Ow,” says evolution, “that hurt. Is there a Doctor in the house?”
(What about animals? They’re dirty, too. OK, I don’t really want to go there, but three things: animals lick themselves, their hind legs leave the body at such an angle as to not create a crevasse, and most animals don’t sweat like humans – they pant. Yeah, gross, really gross, I told you don't want to go there. ‘Nuff said.)
However, I can see how the events contemplated above might have helped the cavemen develop language skills. With all the melodrama of a friend dying of diaper rash, surely they’d wish to talk about it, right? I envision the scene like this:
(tribe of cavemen standing about a pile of stone – a cairn – looking quite dejected)
Caveman 1: “Grog…”
CM2: “Grog… die”
CM3: “Grog die… itch?”
CM1: “Uhh, Grog die bad itch.”
CM4: “Miss Grog.”
Too bad they all died shortly thereafter, taking their new found language skills with them.
No, no, I’m not just being gross… that’s a legitimate question and it’s has broad reaching ramifications for the theory evolution.
Oh, I suppose they could have used leaves… but having done my wilderness survival training I know that leaves don’t works so well. Wait a minute, though… they survived an ice age… so there probably weren’t too many broad-leafed plants during that period. Maybe they used snow? Brrrrr. Despite the cold, surely snow would be better than pinecones. Anyway about it, they could not have been very clean people.
Ok, my little boy is prone to getting horrible diaper rash if you don’t keep him sparkly clean and dry. The same thing would happen to an adult without at least some form of primitive hygiene. Rash leads to broken skin, broken skin leads to infection, infection leads to fever and then death. Long story short, diaper rash kills.
So what kept the cavemen from dying of diaper rash early in life? Perhaps some sort of immunity – a hyper immune system – fought off such infections. Alternatively, some form of helper bacteria might have been present which kept staph and other such nasties in check. Either one, improved immunity or symbiosis, would be a distinct advantage – an advantage which modern humans do not have.
Therefore, I think this raises a serious question that theories of evolution cannot answer. Why did the cavemen not die out from terrible infections resulting from their unhygienic ways? If they were immune, that would be an evolutionary advantage, but the advantage didn’t get passed down to us – therefore (simplifying somewhat) the strongest did not survive to pass on their genetic material. “Ow,” says evolution, “that hurt. Is there a Doctor in the house?”
(What about animals? They’re dirty, too. OK, I don’t really want to go there, but three things: animals lick themselves, their hind legs leave the body at such an angle as to not create a crevasse, and most animals don’t sweat like humans – they pant. Yeah, gross, really gross, I told you don't want to go there. ‘Nuff said.)
However, I can see how the events contemplated above might have helped the cavemen develop language skills. With all the melodrama of a friend dying of diaper rash, surely they’d wish to talk about it, right? I envision the scene like this:
(tribe of cavemen standing about a pile of stone – a cairn – looking quite dejected)
Caveman 1: “Grog…”
CM2: “Grog… die”
CM3: “Grog die… itch?”
CM1: “Uhh, Grog die bad itch.”
CM4: “Miss Grog.”
Too bad they all died shortly thereafter, taking their new found language skills with them.
R.T. Lemur 8:39 AM
3 Comments:
Seriously, submit this to the Science Channel's Naked Science. I want answers!
Have you considered the scarcity of the diaper? Perhaps ancient man made expeditious use of water as they would have to live near good volumes of water. Mayhap the diet contributed to a…more condensed…umm question, lessening the need for such vigorous cleaning. Say a diet of nuts, root vegetables and protein. The half-starved cave-man perhaps had bigger problems or maybe that’s why they all died young. Diaper rash will extinct species! What does a typical Massi do about this? Or the South African tribesman living in the jungle? Don't think Huggies are widespread everywhere. Without the plastic wrapping and the elastic leg bands (to thankfully keep everything in) perhaps the situation would be different? Even cloth diapers (as we know them) are not much more than 120 years old. In "modern" China its not unheard for babies to go bare bottomed. Read this http://www.gpoabs.com.mx/cricher/history.htm for the history of diapers and check out the timeline near the bottom of the article. Ain't Google grand! Donet even haf to thaink fer meself no moor.
As yes… all good points… I do not have answers, only questions.
However, the Massai, South American Indians, etc. are all intelligent, modern humans who practice some modicum of hygiene, both on themselves and on their children. There had to be some point in the past where cavemen (my unscientific, generic term for the collective group of pre-sapiens, primitive hominids) were still too stupid to wipe themselves and had evolved far enough to lose the ability to lick themselves clean.
Cavemen, lacking tight social organization and any technology, probably ate a ‘feast or famine’ diet, gorging themselves obese when they slew a beast, various fruits or nuts were in season, etc. Then starving for weeks, living off fat reserves, otherwise. This gorging must have produced copious amounts of waste and caused them to gain some weight, compounding the hygiene problems.
Furthermore, lack of food sanitation probably subjected the cavemen to consumption of excess fungi and yeasts. Both of these, once in the gut, compound exterior ‘diaper rash-type’ infections and can lead to devastating internal infections. Even modern medicine struggles with candida infections. What hope did the cavemen have? Thus, I reason the must have had some immunity, but it has been lost.
Ha, but my posts are almost always tongue-in-cheek (allthough truth lies at the heart of jest). Still... in the background I hear:
“Darwin?” cries evolution plaintively.
However, the Massai, South American Indians, etc. are all intelligent, modern humans who practice some modicum of hygiene, both on themselves and on their children. There had to be some point in the past where cavemen (my unscientific, generic term for the collective group of pre-sapiens, primitive hominids) were still too stupid to wipe themselves and had evolved far enough to lose the ability to lick themselves clean.
Cavemen, lacking tight social organization and any technology, probably ate a ‘feast or famine’ diet, gorging themselves obese when they slew a beast, various fruits or nuts were in season, etc. Then starving for weeks, living off fat reserves, otherwise. This gorging must have produced copious amounts of waste and caused them to gain some weight, compounding the hygiene problems.
Furthermore, lack of food sanitation probably subjected the cavemen to consumption of excess fungi and yeasts. Both of these, once in the gut, compound exterior ‘diaper rash-type’ infections and can lead to devastating internal infections. Even modern medicine struggles with candida infections. What hope did the cavemen have? Thus, I reason the must have had some immunity, but it has been lost.
Ha, but my posts are almost always tongue-in-cheek (allthough truth lies at the heart of jest). Still... in the background I hear:
“Darwin?” cries evolution plaintively.