Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Black cauldron vs. Kettle
Don’t you hate it when strangers offer you their unsolicited opinions about your lifestyle?
Yeah, but it’s even better when you can offer an unsolicited opinion of your own in return.
Last week the guys from work, as is customary, went out on Friday to our favorite BBQ place. When I went to refill my soda, a nice older lady let me cut in front of her to refill my diet coke. Turns out, this, albeit nice lady, was one of those who could not keep her comments to herself.
“Those diet sodas have aspartame…” she commented in a slightly bored, down the nose tone. “Aspartame is a neurotoxin.”
I replied with a bit of polite conversational fluff (i.e. “Is that so?”), but which was meant to convey, “Yeah, sure, whatever lady.”
However, she chose not to let it go, thus dooming her to my ire, and instead continued, her voice now dripping with disdain. “Yes, you should read up on it.”
That was too much – hint: no one ever tell me to “read up” on something, especially not in a superior tone. I cocked my head slightly, looking at her plate, which contained barbeque links and brisket. In a quiet but confident voice I said, “Smoked meats are carcinogenic, you know, perhaps you should look it up on the internet.”
I turned and walked away. And as my winning smile spread, I could feel the heat rising behind me, a nova of frustration collapsing into the intellectual red dwarf it had become.
Yeah, but it’s even better when you can offer an unsolicited opinion of your own in return.
Last week the guys from work, as is customary, went out on Friday to our favorite BBQ place. When I went to refill my soda, a nice older lady let me cut in front of her to refill my diet coke. Turns out, this, albeit nice lady, was one of those who could not keep her comments to herself.
“Those diet sodas have aspartame…” she commented in a slightly bored, down the nose tone. “Aspartame is a neurotoxin.”
I replied with a bit of polite conversational fluff (i.e. “Is that so?”), but which was meant to convey, “Yeah, sure, whatever lady.”
However, she chose not to let it go, thus dooming her to my ire, and instead continued, her voice now dripping with disdain. “Yes, you should read up on it.”
That was too much – hint: no one ever tell me to “read up” on something, especially not in a superior tone. I cocked my head slightly, looking at her plate, which contained barbeque links and brisket. In a quiet but confident voice I said, “Smoked meats are carcinogenic, you know, perhaps you should look it up on the internet.”
I turned and walked away. And as my winning smile spread, I could feel the heat rising behind me, a nova of frustration collapsing into the intellectual red dwarf it had become.
R.T. Lemur 7:49 AM
2 Comments:
Good for you. Everything we eat, drink, breath, wear, or slather on our skin will kill us in high enough concentrations and chronic exposure. If she had ever cracked a chemistry book she would know that it not simply: aspartame = Menthol = Wood Alcohol = Formaldehyde = DEATH. But we don't have to argue that point. She didn't need to forcefully "inform" you. You we're just getting lunch. Good for you having a snappy answer instead of what I would have done. I would have smashed her potato salad in her face, pecked her in the head repeatedly and said Wha ha hahaha! Wha ha hahaha! Hahahahahahahaha!" Hehe Hehe neurotoxin that! Wait...maybe all that diet soda is seeping into my brain...Yummy thought juice.
By the way didn't you know that blogging will make you sterile and cause you to grow hair on your feet! I got a email about that and had to forward it to 10 people to make sure Microsoft would send me money in some Nigerian bank or something. It totaly happend to a cousin of this guy I know...