Monday, November 08, 2004
A Final Analysis
Perhaps you noticed that Cookie Monster did not win the election?
We are all shocked, as we thought he had the monster vote locked-up in his favor.
After much debate, we have determined that the key flaw in Cookie Monster's campaign was a failure to mobilize young voters. Even despite a strong "get out the vote" effort, we discovered that mobilizing the Sesame Street demographic proved harder than we first believed. We think this has to do with this demographic's lack of mobility. Do you know how hard it is to get to the polling place when your only means of transport is a Tonka Big Wheel? This, combined with appallingly early curfews, prevented our key support base from getting out to vote. It is a crime that our young people's voices are being stifled in this manner.
Another flaw identified in the campaign was the failure to present a solid political platform by the candidate himself (we must be honest with ourselves). Cookie Monster had made the promise to the American public of a cookie jar in every household, but kept waffling over whether these jars would be filled with sugar cookies or chocolate chip cookies. This flip-flopping was interpreted by many voters as a sign of weakness in the face of adversity. Furthermore, the fact that Cookie Monster failed to mention Oatmeal Raisin Cookies at all alienated many voters who prefer the more traditional values represented by the Quaker Oats Guy. Finaly, many voters reacted negatively to Cookie Monster's failure to present a plan for how the cookie jars would be distributed and failed to accept his word that he was an expert in all matters involving cookies.
In short, these have been valuable lessons. I trust our future candidates will take them to heart.
We are all shocked, as we thought he had the monster vote locked-up in his favor.
After much debate, we have determined that the key flaw in Cookie Monster's campaign was a failure to mobilize young voters. Even despite a strong "get out the vote" effort, we discovered that mobilizing the Sesame Street demographic proved harder than we first believed. We think this has to do with this demographic's lack of mobility. Do you know how hard it is to get to the polling place when your only means of transport is a Tonka Big Wheel? This, combined with appallingly early curfews, prevented our key support base from getting out to vote. It is a crime that our young people's voices are being stifled in this manner.
Another flaw identified in the campaign was the failure to present a solid political platform by the candidate himself (we must be honest with ourselves). Cookie Monster had made the promise to the American public of a cookie jar in every household, but kept waffling over whether these jars would be filled with sugar cookies or chocolate chip cookies. This flip-flopping was interpreted by many voters as a sign of weakness in the face of adversity. Furthermore, the fact that Cookie Monster failed to mention Oatmeal Raisin Cookies at all alienated many voters who prefer the more traditional values represented by the Quaker Oats Guy. Finaly, many voters reacted negatively to Cookie Monster's failure to present a plan for how the cookie jars would be distributed and failed to accept his word that he was an expert in all matters involving cookies.
In short, these have been valuable lessons. I trust our future candidates will take them to heart.
R.T. Lemur 8:43 AM
3 Comments:
Dear Lemur,
Did you really think anyone could defeat Elmo and his monster schlong?
Did you really think anyone could defeat Elmo and his monster schlong?
My problem with Cookie Monster's campaign is he had no plan for Socialized Dental Care. If you're going to put a cookie jar in every house, you need to include a toothbrush!
Too true.
The failure in respect to the toothbrush issue highlights the Muppet Monster party's failure to identify with the common man. Just because Muppets do not have teeth does not mean that Muppet Monster candidates can flippantly disregard the needs of the teeth bearing public.
The failure in respect to the toothbrush issue highlights the Muppet Monster party's failure to identify with the common man. Just because Muppets do not have teeth does not mean that Muppet Monster candidates can flippantly disregard the needs of the teeth bearing public.